theraceforthelastrose:

“Fairy Tales and Fantasy Suites: it’s Lederhosen Time!”

The Bachelor, Episode 9 Recap

Europe. Switzerland. The Swiss Alps. Me. Jealous. The girls are on one final adventure before Ben (hopefully) proposes to one of these biddies. Ben flies first class on Swiss Air to meet his 3 remaining ladies (who I’m sure had to fly coach since we didn’t get to see their accommodations). As Ben and his god forsaken hair enjoy their flight from LA to Europe, he reminisces about the good times with each of these ladies. He’s so worried he’s going to pick the wrong girl at this point because he is absolutely falling for all 3 of them. Don’t worry Benji, I’m sure after a little romping around in the sheets your head will be thinking clearer than ever…

So who are the 3 remaining women? Nicki, Lindzi and Courntey. Nicki was love at first rainstorm. Ben comments that Nicki  is open, gentle, caring and nurturing. “She’s super sweet, and really kind-hearted. I like the way that she makes me feel.” Riveting stuff here Ben… Lindzi is a little bit country and a little bit city, and she wears them both so well (including too much bronzer). He’s been attracted to Lindzi from the start, which would make sense, seeing as how she did get the first impression rose. He’s happy when he’s with her. She’s funny and honest and herself. Meeting the fam (and drinking from wine mason jars!) took their relationship to the next level. “I had premonitions of life with children with Lindzi when I was at her parents’ house and wanting to bring my kids to a place like this.” Of course you do, because you want to play horse carriage games and make your kids push you back to the house when you beat them. And last, but not least, Courtney.  Ben says, “there’s some kind of weird magical force that just kind of pulls us together and it works.” Her uniqueness and nerdiness are what really attract Ben to Courtney.  She’s exciting, spontaneous with a little dose of rebellion (which is just code for I got to see her nakey and go skinny dipping). Ben says again that they have a connection that is different from anything he’s felt in his entire life. After all the praises (more than any of the other girls, no?) he finally has a negative, he’s still weighing heavy on how bitchy and conniving she was to the other girls. Ben says he’s ready to ask the hard questions, hopefully his hair won’t blind his judgment.

Nicki get’s the first date in Interlaken, Switzerland. Was anyone else hoping that they’d play dress up? I so wanted to see Ben and Nicki sport some traditional lederhosen. Nicki gets to go on her second helicopter ride ever, and by now we’re all thinking it, does the Bachelor have some sort of frequent helicopter miles that we don’t know about? The worst part about this helicopter ride isn’t their lack in positive body language it’s Ben’s cliché comment that  “My relationship with Nicki is getting to new heights but at the same time it’s grounded.” Really? heights, helicopters, this all too much. Tone down the cheese factor ABC. I was so bored by their date, but it went something like this, sit on a mountain, drink some wine, tell each other something even more revealing about yourself, and when all else fails, scream at the top of your lungs followed by a bear hug as you stare aimlessly are the scenery (it’s is fucking beautiful after all so who could really blame you?) The night portion of their date doesn’t get any more exciting. They talk about how many kids they want, and finally when we’re literally bored to tears (because let’s face it, they’re not really connecting on a realistic level at this point) the fantasy suite date card appears. Of course Nicki says yes, because she’s so confident that she is exactly want Ben needs and this overnight time between the two of them is just sealing the deal. Unfortunately for her she never actually waited for Ben’s input, which if she had stopped being so cocky for one minute, would have led her to realize this date isn’t going as smoothly as she thought.

Hands down Ben is favoring Lindzi at this point.  These two aren’t having any trouble being affectionate. The date begins with a surprise for both of them (I think at this point it is safe to say that Ben has zero input on these dates), another adrenaline racing activity: repealing down a huge ass mountain. Not a moment too soon, queue the cheesy metaphor: Lindzi says that a relationship is a leap of faith where you have to depend on each other, you know, kinda like jumping off a cliff! I don’t know if it was the adrenaline talking or if Ben was actually serious, but he tells the camera he loves this women, a good sign for Lindzi? Must be because the two end up in a sweet European hot tub where we watch the happy couple kiss each other passionately talking about love, love, love, when really their both thinking (fantasy suite, fantasy suite, fantasy suite). Pause. It is just me, or is Ben getting uglier every episode? I mean we’re onto the night portion of the date and Ben’s hair might not have possible looked worse than it does at this moment, not to mention that hideous bow tie he’s sporting.  Continue. So Lindzi admits to Ben how bad her past relationship was and how she’s happy to be in such a vulnerable place with Ben, even if it means getting hurt again, because she knows that this love is the real deal, and that she hopes this journey ends with a big ol rock. Fantasy suite accepted and these two are off for a wild night. Lindzi slips into one of Ben’s shirts (how cute) and the night ends with them seductively kissing on the bed. YAWN…this 2 hour episode seems like its lasting 10 years.

Once again Courtney gets the last date. Seems a little too perfectly planned right? Her manipulative words are always are the forefront of his mind going into every rose ceremony. Now call me crazy, but ABC is definitely showing a softer side of Courtney since the last episode. Maybe I’m just a huge softy, but I’m sorta thinking that this might be more of the real Courtney, and no one can deny that Ben and Courtney seemed ridiculously happy on their date, almost as if they were lost in their own  fairy tale… But before Courtney and Ben can live happily ever after Ben has to confront Courtney about her actions towards the other women. The date starts with a shopping trip to get some items for their countryside picnic, just like real life, you know, when they have thousands of dollars and go vacationing in the Swiss Alps as their annual vacation. Courtney tells the camera she feels lucky and happy and she’s glad she hung in there. “Looking back I feel bad for treating the girls the way that I have. I just hope that he knows that I’m a good person and I hope it doesn’t get in the way of what could be like the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” They  set up shop next to some grazing cows. “Hey Cow”, that’s the game Ben and his sister used to play when they were younger, what’s the game all about? Shout “hey cow” and the first person to get the cow to look at them wins. Courtney thinks this is most fantastic thing ever, clearly these two are perfect for each other.  Time to get serious. Ben said he wished she had made things a little easier on him. Courtney tells him she’d say something and they’d jump on her so she kept her guard up. Ben tells her “regardless of the situation, it’s pretty messed up. I will say that.” Way to finally grow a pair… Their night leads to a talk in a basement wine cellar. Courtney finally confesses to her wrong doings. Being a bitch. This is all Ben really wanted to hear, an apology, an apology directed at the wrong person, but nonetheless, an apology.  Courtney doesn’t think twice about accepting the fantasy suite date card. She genuinely looks happy. She says she hasn’t been in love in a long time and Ben is the best thing that’s ever happened to her. 

Shocker. A former contestant of the season is back. This time it’s Kacie. No season is complete without some last minute drama. Glad to know you’re predictable ABC. But Kacie isn’t back to get another shot at love with Ben, no she’s here for some answers. Ben breaks is down for her. Me make wine. You family no likely me make wine. Kacie and Ben no longer make happy, no longer in love. Kacie tries to tell Ben that she wishes they had talked before he left her hometown because what makes her parents happy doesn’t always make her happy. It’s too little too late. But before she goes she has one last thing to tell Ben. “Because I do love you and I do care about you, I don’t want you to see you get your heart broken again. And I feel like…if you were to choose Courtney you would get your heart broken.” Kacie says she observed Courtney for a while and it seems like she’s in this to win it. Ben almost on the verge of tears (seriously, pull it together man!) walks Kacie to the door. But before we see the last of Kacie she lies down dramatically on the hotel floor claiming she needs a minute. Sorry Kacie, this beau aint for you.

Rose ceremony time. Ben looks like he’s about to poop his pants. He is so utterly confused thanks to Kacie showing up that now he’s having second thoughts about everything. Chris Harrison even asks if Ben wants Kacie at the rose ceremony but Ben says no, he’s too far along with the other 3 women. Good choice Ben. Good choice. We all knew Lindzi would receive the first rose, and wait for, Courtney receives the second. That means Nicki is going home. I really wish for her sake she would have picked a better dress to get eliminated in. She looks like a Grecian goddess gone wrong. Nicki seems hurt as Ben walks her out, but she holds true to the fact that she knew there was a possibility she could get hurt. The only words Ben can muster up is he just feels stronger for the other two ladies. In the limo she says that she hopes he’s happy, but she’s not sure, because she knew she could make Ben happy and she can’t say the same for the remaining two women. She leaves us with this last line, “I was in love with him and I’ve never been in love with somebody who hasn’t loved me back — and that really hurts.” She feels like a fool for falling so hard and so fast for someone who clearly didn’t feel the same way.

Next week is the Women Tell All show! And who can wait for that? Shawntel and Blakely confront the women who were mean to them AND Courtney will be there to confront the ladies. The claws are going to come out next week y’all, that’s for sure.

theraceforthelastrose:

Tarantulas, Sharks, Courtney, Oh My!

The Bachelor, Epsiode 7 Recap

So last night was a big night for the ladies. The date before the hometown dates. Though as we saw this week’s rose ceremony and eliminations didn’t go as expected. For someone who says he doesn’t like drama he sure has a funny way of picking which women to stay…

Welcome to Belize! Another beautiful country that can be ruined by Ben’s unfortunate hair situation. We are all in love, let’s shout it from the roof tops! Everyone will be going on dates this week, but there is only one rose up for grabs this week, and it’s on the group date. Lindzi gets Ben for the first one-on-one date. Pan to Nicki in tears. It just, like, all of a sudden, became real guys. Look on the bright side, you’re in Belize and that leathery tan skin of yours can keep on cooking.

Ben and Lindzi set off on their date, on the only mode of transportation worth taking these days, a helicopter. Duh! Cuddled up in the helicopter (great body language shared between these two), they fly over the beautiful blue waters. Their destination: the blue whole! And once again Ben wants another girl to prove her love to him by doing on another death defying adventure. What’s Ben’s ish? If his adrenaline isn’t pumping then he’s not having a good time? I’m trying to connect the dots to see how overcoming your fears is the only way one can find their future mate. Their big adventure sets off by jumping out of the helicopter into this 500 ft deep hole surrounded by coral. Cue girl freak out. Ben is unsure of whether she can do this. Seriously? Can’t you think of anything else to say? If I have to hear Ben say once more, “if she can’t do this [insert date activity] I don’t know if we can  have a future together.” At this point all I want to do is reach through the TV and strangle Ben. As the nights sets in, they have a nice moment surrounded by candles and moonlight. Ben asks the impending question of whether she is ready to bring him home to see her family to which she obviously replies yes. Message in a bottle? Cheesily they read the story about how they fell in love with each other and drop the bottle in the water, further destroying the environment. Thank you ABC for your initiative to preserve the environment. I believe it was last season that Ben and Ashley set off the Chinese lanterns into the sky.

“Emily, do you Belize in love?” Cheesiest date card ever, or cheesiest date card ever? Courtney “cries” to the others about how she needs another date card to which Kacie tells the camera in response to Courtney’s “we’re in a relationship”, “what do you think we’re all in? I have never heard such a conceited person before in my life.” Maybe so, but I strangely remember Kacie having a meltdown after she had the first date with Ben and saw all of the other women build relationships with Ben. Back to Emily. The two start by biking into town, easy peasy. They join in a game of ….Belizkatball (too much?) and Emily says how comfortable she is with Ben, and that she feels like a real girlfriend, you know, except for the fact that he has five other girlfriends. Minor details. Lobster for dinner? Sure, but only if you catch it says the fisherman to Ben and Emily. Why is he so insistent on survival of the minimalist? Does he know something we don’t… like suddenly Harris Teeter will cease to exist and I will have to tie a lobster by its tail for my dinner? They seem to be having a magical night, Ben even says he’d be interested in meeting her family, but apparently that was all for show, because even though Emily says she’s definitely falling for him it’s too little too late.

The two set off into a jungle, which has more bugs than a Brooklyn mattress. Courtney gets serious. She tells Ben, “I lost the spark. I was annoyed that you went out with Emily.” This witch is a master manipulator and Ben is as perceptive as a lamp post. He’s so clueless that he’s actually apologizing to Courtney for this way he’s treated her, and of course, thanking her for being the only woman who has really expressed her care for him this season. The evening continues as their spark (or rather Courtney’s spark) is re-lit and they move onto dinner with lighthearted conversation (not).  Prepare for the funniest moment this season: Ben states that their time on top of the temple gave him clarity. He now fully believes they are soul mates. What Ben really feels is horniness for the only girl who has given it up to him. Courtney doesn’t believe that anyone has ever said that her.. Of course no one has, you’re awful, you say snap more times allowed even by a model of your caliber. This date is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Courtney continues to tell Ben about her inability to get along with the girls, but it’s not because she hasn’t tried. She’s been super nice to everyone in the house, but the thing is, “These women, I’m so bored by them. They’re just so vanilla, and they’re very into themselves.” Funny I could say the same thing about you… Even Ben sees a red flag when she tells him most of her friends are guys back home. Ben starts to think he might end up with the girl no one likes.  

The group date card belongs to Kacie, Nicki and Rachel. Ben gives the girls an early wakeup call and tells them they’re going SHARK DIVING! I hope Aunt Flow wasn’t visiting anyone this week… Ben explains a few survival techniques including punching the shark on the nose. Rachel is very nervous, she has a serious fear of sharks, but I mean, who isn’t deathly afraid of sharks? This fear results in her getting serious alone time with Ben during their date  which make the other girls very unhappy. After swimming with the sharks they move onto drier land. Reality sets in for Rachel and this once shy-mouthed girl has no issues talking now. Nicki also expresses her love to Ben, and to the palm trees, and the water, apparently Nicki loves EVERYTHING. Kacie is ready for Ben to meet her mom, she expresses that her Dad might have some concerns, but ultimately, she is falling in love with him. Kacie has poured her heart out to Ben and it’s enough to secure the group date rose. Before the group date is over Kacie and Nicki let Ben know how they feel about Courtney. They tell him to “tread lightly.” Ben had some initial doubts about Courtney after their one-on-one date and this is further solidifying things.

Courtney tries to lighten up the mood before the rose ceremony by telling the girls, “Ben is not the only guy in the world.” Yes, that’s definitely going to make everyone feel better.  And just when you think the word vomit can’t get any worse she states, “OMG the Pina Colada is awesome when it touches your lips.” I’m sure that Pina Colada isn’t the first thing that’s heard that before!! Oh snap! Tonight is another cocktail-less rose ceremony.  Ben says he knows what he’s got to. Only three roses left. But before Ben hands them out he takes a moment to ask Courtney a question. The rest of the girls salivate with the hopes that Courtney is FINALLY going home. Courtney once again is confronted about her motives for being here and of course the conniving person she is, she is able to smooth out Ben’s trepidation and tell him that she’s here for the right reason and it’s not her fault the other girls can’t see that.

Kacie, Nicki (didn’t see that coming), Lindzi and Courtney (are you kidding me?) all get roses. That means this journey of love is over for Emily and Rachel.  As we say goodbye to Belize we say hello to the girls hometowns and we’re given a small preview of what’s to come. Seems Nicki’s parents are quite the protective type, while Kacie’s father says he won’t be giving Ben a blessing. Lindzi’s family stresses the hurt she was caused from her last relationship and Courtney’s dad makes a metaphor out of gambling and marriage. Things are about to get real y’all.

BEN IS AS PERCEPTIVE AS A LAMP POST.

(Source: abc.com)

theraceforthelastrose:

The Over Analyst over analyzes 

The Bachelor, Episode 1

Ben Flajnik. Can we just call him Flapjack? That’s what I see every time I read his last name, and then I start thinking about lumberjacks, and pancakes, and now I’m hungry, and want to go buy a lumberjack shirt because it’s trendy, but I digress. So Mr Flapjack is back. And I don’t know about you, BUT my wine loving heart is so happy to see this winemaker back on TV. We get to see ABC’s worst selection yet of bachelorettes’ options I guess doing this 17 times does not make you perfect. ABC’s procedure’s mentality: out with beauty in with the drama. 

Now it’s time to judge, isn’t that what this show is is all about? I mean the producers have completely given up on the bachelor actually finding love. It’s all about fireworks, drama and hair pulling, but that’s what produces high ratings, not honesty and raw emotion. So let’s meet the ladies…

1. Rachel, who I’m going to call, girl who’s dress I loved, and in my opinion the best dressed of the night. An NY Fashion Sales Rep, she looked stunning in her red gown.

2. Erika is a law student from Chicago…and the verdict is …you’re an idiot, a law student and that was YOUR BEST LINE? fail.

3. Amber B, where the B stands for “baconator” I somehow would not be calling myself after a cheeseburger on a show where beauty and personality are key.

4. Elyse, the personal trainer- a bit intense… i think she thought this was MTV’s road rules…wrong show.

5. Jenna, Jessica Parker the blogger. Her blog is titled “the over analyst” which, by the way is currently under construction. LAME! She is also going to be remembered as the first woman to cry/lock herself in the bathroom. She has orange skin and hippie hair. Basically she’s a train wreck, and naturally Ben is keeping her, as we see in future episodes. She’s definitely going to add plenty of drama to this season. Hate her dress, or skirt/shirt thing she was wearing.

6. Courtney, the model. I’m going to call her VS, because she reminds me of Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio. See the resemblance? She’s also going to be the bitch of the group which will be mildly entertaining. 

7. Emily aka the girl who stole the first kiss from Ben and has mad rapping skillz.

8. Samantha steps out of the limo with a sash on, promising Ben she’s much more than a pageant girl. Boring.

9. Casey S just doesn’t say a word, why??

10. Amber T, the girl wearing camo in her interview tape, who likes guns and considers fried cow balls to be a delicacy. Just no. 

11. Holly is from Kentucky, but the only things we can remember about her is her big ass hat and her boobs.

12. Jamie is nurse, and has a legit sad story about raising her siblings. Can’t poke fun of that. 

13. Shira was just plain annoying. She tries to impress Ben by saying she knows everything about wine, when the only she knows is how to drink it. 

14. Blakeley is a VIP cocktail waitress, is that nice for saying she works a strip club/adult lounge?

15. Cheryl and Brittney, or the girl who brought her grandma with her, are the unlikely duo trying to win Ben’s heart with the cuteness factor, because come on, who doesn’t love grandmas??

 And last but not least, the final 10…

16. Nicki, fits the stereotypical contender we see on this show now. A divorce who finally knows what she’s looking for in love and marriage. I’ll believe it when I see it.

17. Dianna. The girl who tried to be sexy by feeding Ben candy. AWK-WARD.

18. Jennifer uses her accounting skills to give Ben some crucial numbers, but 1 is the only number that matters, because that’s how many times she’s been in love and now is Ben’s chance to make that number 2.

19. Lyndsie, the London girl. ugh, I am glad she didn’t make it past the first rose ceremony, I just wasn’t feeling her at all.

20. Anna doesn’t even bother with a proper introduction, apparently gf’s shit don’t stink.

21. Monica, seems normal, until we see she has some major lady wood for Blakeley.

22. Jacyln. I can’t say I remember anything about this girl.

23. Shawn, another stereotypical contender. She has a son. I don’t think Ben is ready to be a daddy yet…

24. Kacie B says she is genuinely looking to find love.  I almost believe her…

25. Lindzi C, is definitely one of my favorite ladies.  She shows up on horse, and definitely pisses off the other ladies because they all wish they had thought of something that cool. Lindzi will now forever be remembered as the girl who got dumped with the most hilarious text ever: “Babe, welcome to Dumpsville. Population YOU.” and the girl to get the first impression rose.

So basically this first episode is pretty dry, we can only make hypotheses about which women will stay and go, but one thing we do know, is Monica is cray cray, putting her hands all over Blakeley, who by the way is 34, a little too old for Ben in my eyes. Monica, I think, had one too many glasses of champagne and decides to bully Jenna and make her cry. And Jenna was ugly crying all over the place, not cute.

After the first rose ceremony 18 girls are left. I’m dying to know who will get the first date. One things certain, this season will bring another first. An old fling of Ben’s come back declaring her love for Ben and the ladies are not having it. Grab your popcorn ladies and gentleman, these ladies will be anything but a fine wine, they all need to breath a little before they’re drinkable, er tolerable.

and there you have it.  the ladies of the bachelor.  what am i tuning into.  i never used to watch reality shows like this.  i blame you D